All doors closed, no door really opened

Life can be quite a roller coaster ride. It's got its fair share of highs and lows, and often, the doors we’ve been eagerly knocking on seem to slam shut with a disheartening thud. That’s when we need to remember that we’re not alone—at all times, there are thousands of others whose knocks also go unanswered. My narrative today—my struggles with my son JJ, my disheartening business ventures, my failed marriage—these, too, are knocks that went unanswered.

But, amigo, there's one thing I've realized when one door closes, a window may very well open; a ray of hope may seep through a crack in a wall, stuff like that. Grab a cup of coffee, because this is going to be a pretty intimate rundown.

When blue skies turned grey: Dealing with JJ’s autism

I wouldn't wish my boy JJ's struggles on my worst enemy. Can you imagine your son hitting people, smashing televisions, reducing cellphones to smithereens, and punching holes in the walls, basically for no reason? Sounds scary, right? Yep, that was our normal. My boy JJ was becoming this belligerent, almost explosive, tyke and we didn't have a clue why.

I stumbled upon an article about a woman who described her son’s similar behavioral issues. Lighting struck me—her son's story was eerily similar to JJ's saga. She associated her son's behaviour with silent seizures which seemed like a puzzle piece that could actually fit in our own chaotic jigsaw. A shot in the dark? Perhaps, but we were ready to take it.

Journey to the neurologist

First things first, we hunted down a neurologist. The thought of little JJ undergoing all those scans and tests was nerve-wracking, but again, we took the shot. But much to our dismay, the tests for regular and silent seizures returned a disappointing nothing. Not a hint of an abnormality.

When troubles rained down: Marriage and business fallout

Just when I thought I could share this burden with someone who understands, fate had other plans. My wife lost her mother around this time. Grief struck hard, reshaping lives, but instead of cowering, I decided it was time for me to put on my "grown-up pants." I suggested my wife move in with her dad. I told her he needed her more than I did, but the truth was, I was yearning for closure to our crumbling marriage.

Despite the outward candidness, the inside of me felt like a hurricane of melancholic blues. Her departure left me alone with the kids. Bills started piling up, creating a mountain almost too steep for me to climb. My stomach began knotting up, possibly my body’s unique way of demonstrating distress.

A fast-fading business

Struggling on the personal front, my business was suffering its own share of misfortunes. As a janitorial services owner, I was working tooth and nail to salvage as many of my big accounts as possible—only to watch them slip through my fingers one by one. Left with three small accounts, I was just about scraping by, clinging to my ahoy mateys as they began sinking with the rest of my proverbial ship.

The cold shoulder of the job market

In utter desperation, I decided to shut down the janitorial business and look for a job. But to my utter surprise, the job market turned icy cold. The moment potential employers would come to know about my entrepreneurial venture, their interests would mysteriously wane. Fear of competition, I suppose, took over their willingness to help a fellow out.

A spiritual pivot: When spirituality knocked on a closed door

In the midst of this turbulent storm, a moment of divine intervention (at least, that's what I'd like to believe) happened as I was glued to my TV screen, watching good ol' YouTube. It was like a spiritual jolt out of nowhere—I felt compelled to delve into the scriptures.

The Awakening to Romans 13:11

This, my friend, was the verse that woke something inside me. > "And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed." There was a weird comfort in knowing that as if salvation was just around the corner.

In retrospect

Looking back, my struggles feel like a messed-up fusion cuisine of failures and heartbreaks—but isn’t that what life basically is? A mix-up of everything? Yes, the doors closed on me, and no new ones really opened. Was I looking in the wrong direction, knocking on the wrong doors? Maybe, or maybe not.

You know what counts? Every day that I've lived through, every battle that I've fought, they've made me stronger, and more resilient. They've made me look at windows when doors wouldn't open. Until next time, remember, when one door closes, wait and see—your window might just be around the corner. 

Jessie Holmes